Tired.

I'm just so fucking tired. Everyone wants to do so much. I just want to enjoy the next breath I take. Don't people understand how short life can be? Why waste it hating everything you do? I don't surround myself with people anymore. A few stick around just because they like to, and that's enough for me.

I've realized now that it's my responsibility to maintain my happiness and sure as shit I'm not going to let someone take it from me once it has been achieved. I have a blunt attitude. I don't take shit and I'm extremely sarcastic. I'm offensive and a little off putting. I know this. And I simply do not care.

Maybe it's because for 19, I'm jaded. Especially when compared to other people I know. I don't always like to be so cynical. I don't like the word cynical either. I'm not cynical or negative. I'm realistic and logical to a fault.

I work full-time. I like it. I really love having a steady job. It's awesome. It's like people have a hard time adjusting to that fact though and I find myself constantly defending every move I make because So and So wants to talk to me more or somebody wants to hang out. I'm always at the beck and call of other peoples wants and needs. I'm always making sure Random Person A is getting what they need.

No one has ever really given me anything just because when they saw it they thought of me. I want someone to do that. I don't want it to be something you think I need. Or something you think I might want. I want something that reminds you of me every time you look at it.
I want someone that can care about me like that. That's really what I want.

I'm just tired and agitated. Stuck in one of my moods again.  I feel like I'm expected to do an unlimited amount of favors for a handshake in return. Where's my hand out? It's funny how all this came about because I thought about how my ears wouldn't itch from a nice pair of earrings. I have the strangest brain sometimes.

Tired though.