I do this every now and then. Get things off my chest that I wouldn't say to a person in most situations. A lot of these are just because I can't say them because I no longer speak with the POI. Anyway, I'm going to number each one and say my piece. If you feel like trying to figure out if something is directed at you, just ask. I'll probably tell you.
1. You are nowhere near as intelligent as you try and act like you are. You're hurtful and immature and petty. I never should have given you the chance I gave you. You walked all over me. I figured it out at one point though and started using you too. The things you have blamed me for and the way you made me miserable haunt me. I think about the plans I had with you and it makes me sick. You were absolutely toxic. And a complete waste of my time. I didn't learn anything from our relationship. It's just made me angrier and more frigid. You're pathetic. I hope you realize what a waste of oxygen you are. Your mother should have swallowed.
2. You're a liar. You act like you are so saintly and like you have your life figured out. You're just like every other single man. You have one thing in mind and you'll do whatever it takes to get it. You disgust me. You're moving soon and I'm glad of that. I already don't talk to you as it but the further away you are the better. Grow up.
3. We had a good time together but you drink too much and you have a bad temper. I'm sorry I wasted your time.
4. I was serious when I said I wasn't playing second fiddle anymore. You better decide quick what is important to you because someday soon I'm cutting out the people that say one thing and do another. I'm not the friend you turn to when you need advice or to talk about something. This sounds stupid but I deserve a little damn attention. I haven't seen you in months and I know for a fact you've been hanging out with other people. This isn't fair to me and I'm tired of it.
5. I think you are fantastic. You are a beautiful person inside and out. It's times like these when I hate distance. Miles shouldn't have to keep two people from exploring something new. Think about it.
6. You've been around for the last half of a decade and it couldn't make me happier. We have a strange relationship but I think we've finally got it figured out. I adore you. And if things go wrong you better believe when I'm 23 I'm calling in some promises. :)
7. You've changed so much. You used to be so anti-everything. The things you used to say you hated are exactly what you are today. Remember the story you used to tell your close friends about your brother? About what happened? Why would you want to live a life that could put you in that situation again? It's not funny. It never was. Everything about it just seems so wrong. Where did my little goofy friend go? I want that friend back. Please?
8. We've recently begun testing the waters of friendship again. I've missed you. Hanging out with you that day was so much fun. I hope it wasn't a one time thing. I said I want to strengthen relationships but please don't make me do all the work. It worries me that you forget me so easily. We used to be so close. Can we get there again?
9. You sir, completely amaze me in every single way. I've never met someone who's matched what I wanted better than you. I mean come on, we even get the same thing from taco bell. I love you Penguin. (Edit: P.S, I'm sorry that it doesn't feel right anymore. I don't know what it is I'm feeling or where my life is headed. I'm so sorry.)
10. You never deserved my love. I gave you a year of my life and you gave me nothing but heartache in return. I waited around like you asked. I followed through on all my promises. For what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You lead me on like a puppy on a stupid leash. Every time I'd start to go on my own way, you'd tug me right back in and I'd happily follow along until you got distracted again. You were never ready. You were always too scared. You didn't want to do the distance. Blah blah blah. Bullshit was all I started hearing. I'm done with you. Completely over you. Finally. Thank. God. I wasted enough time on you as it was.
11. I miss you. I messed up several years ago and we've never been able to get it back. Now you just won't let me in. Please, stop making wallowing in your misery and let someone help. Stop making yourself hurt. You are tearing this family apart and I'm not certain you see it. I love you. I always will. Even though you don't even recognize I exist anymore.
12. I will make you proud if its the last thing I do. I'm not going to give you a reason to pick on me anymore. I won't let you embarrass me anymore either.
13. Four more months and your power over me will cease. I'll have kept my silence so you can keep your reputation. I've forgiven you but don't you dare ever think I will forget. You owe me now. And you will owe me the rest of your life. I'm sure you've figured that out by now.
14. You are a new friend. We thought about a relationship but I think we've both come to realize that we are much better friends. I think you are great and you make me laugh when I'm in the worst of moods. I've come to depend on you a little so I hope you can make good on your promise. I'm going to go have a good lurk now. Be back in 3-5 hours.
I'm pretty sure that's all I needed to say. I feel better, I think. This may be edited some time in the future but until then, enjoy. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment